Home Sweet Home?

There is no doubt that beginning and ending an extended stay abroad is an emotional roller-coaster. Leaving your home country for an unknown life on the other side of the world is filled with excitement, anticipation & nerves, on top of a stack of life admin. But it’s all built on a foundation of adventure. Returning however, is not built on that same foundation; repatriation is almost more daunting than originally leaving. Anyone who sets off on such an adventure knows deep down that eventually this comes at a cost. All of a sudden you have two lives, two homes, and two lots of friends. And there will come a time when you have to make a long term commitment to either one or the other.

Knowing all along that I had a limited time, “what next?” was always on my mind. I constantly wondered whether I should/wanted to ask about sponsorship. I did know that whatever I chose to do following my two years would be a long term decision. I wasn't going to pursue extending for just another year. It was probably a good thing I had an expiry date which couldn't be extended easily, because it forced me to make a decision I didn't particularly want to make.    

For many wonderful reasons, Australia was my long term decision. So when two years were up, it was time to go. I wasn't ready. I had a happy little London life that I didn't want to change. I knew coming back was going to be hard and I was in denial for a while. I put off making arrangements and my London friends were about as interested in talking about it as I was. The best way I can explain it that initially, you expect to get back and feel like you’re home. But you don’t. You feel weird, foreign, out of place and homesick for the place you left. It’s a total reverse culture shock.

People expect you to be excited. Some think it should feel the same as returning from a holiday. And you feel bad for not showing a huge amount of enthusiasm straight up. For the first week I couldn't answer people's questions about how I feel without tears welling up. It got me wondering why I haven’t really heard past travellers talk about their own repatriation blues. Was it that they felt like it might hurt the people they've returned to by talking about how much they miss their old life on the other side of the world? Or maybe they just knew that unless you've done it, you don’t get it.

When my brother returned from Fiji after six months, all he wanted to do was sit on the floor to eat his dinner. This got me thinking… the more different the two places, the harder it probably is to settle back in. One of my biggest struggles so far is that I can’t get by without a car. I got used to solely relying on an excellent and extensive public transport network. 

It’s early days for me so I'm still searching for a way to talk about and look back on my London life without feeling the pangs of homesickness and whether I made the right choice. So far this is my best advice:

•  Don’t idolise either place because both have their flaws. It’s easy to remember the best of the place where you are not and the worst of the place where you are
• If you are planning to return, keep in good contact with the people you are close to back home as you will feel less like a stranger when you do go back
• Keep yourself busy with enjoyable activities and explore your new/old home like any other new arrival
• Try not to shut out or avoid hearing about what is happening in the place you left. Look at your pictures, talk about your time away and keep in contact with the people you became close to
•  Do your best to start establishing your new lifestyle as soon as you can. I am job-hunting at the moment and don't have a permanent home yet but as I'm sure that time will come I keep myself busy with fitness, catching up on two years of life with people, helping out family and friends where I can and staying up to date with my industry and professional knowledge   
• And if you are struggling, talk about it, don’t bottle it up

As a good friend of mine says, "is what it is", and my my father brought me up to live by the motto "it's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it". So I keep this in mind as I enter this new chapter and am grateful for and excited about the opportunity to really start afresh in my own city.

Maybe you’re thinking of setting off on an adventure of your own; maybe you have done and chose to stay, or like me returned to your motherland; maybe you are reaching the end of your adventure and preparing to repatriate; or maybe you are mid-adventure and have no idea what you want to do. What I have noticed in people who have spent extended time abroad, there are two common denominators – 1) the person that returns is very different from the person that left (usually for the better), and 2) regardless of how it has or might eventuate, there is rarely regret in the initial decision to go. I would say it was the best decision I ever made.

If you have repatriated, I’d love to hear your ways of coping …